Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
