Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I smell like Dick and happiness
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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