Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
