dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
