Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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