Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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