This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
