This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
