I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
