People in love make me want to vomit
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
