You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
