She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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