Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
