see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
