Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
