we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
