Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
