I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
