Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
