Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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