Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
