She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i will never coherently bang her
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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