He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
