I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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