that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We left the knife in your bed.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
