She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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