It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
