pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
