I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
