i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
