Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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