atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
