you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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