i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
