Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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