I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
