I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
