Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
