I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
