Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
