Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
