My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's shark week go big or go home
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
