Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
