Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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