I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
