He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
