final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
