I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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