drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
