Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
