Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
