I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
