Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
